I never thought your letters were real until I was appointed the ombudsman of this magazine. While Penthouse is intended for your entertainment, we also strive for accuracy and exemplary ethics. That's where I come in. And, no, that was not a pun.
» First, a correction: A letter from Kevin L. of Durango, Colorado, alerted us to a factual error in a letter from our May 2004 issue. In "Riding the Rangers," the writer, Marty G., recounted his erotic adventure with two bosomy park rangers during an astronomy expedition at Cuyahoga Valley National Park in Ohio. Upon further research, we have determined that the writer could not have observed the constellation Delphinus under the weather conditions and at the location described. (We are, however, happy to report that it is possible to make love to one woman doggie style while another woman stands on her back so you can perform oral sex on her, as the letter indicated.) Penthouse Forum regrets the error.
Every now and then, in an effort to be literary, we forget the merits of plain journalistic prose. Bill S. of West Forty-third Street, New York, writes in with a usage correction, citing an unfortunate mistake from our pages. "Your August article 'Take My Wife, Please,'" he points out, "suggests an anatomically impossible construction of the term 'daisy chain.' As any schoolboy knows, and as Webster's Third Dictionary, Unabridged, makes clear, that designation is strictly reserved for 'a group sexual activity in which each person attends to the one in front while being attended to by the one behind.' " Clearly, the acts, particular items of patio furniture, and unusual physical attributes of the participants described in the article (to say nothing of the midget pool boy) would preclude such an arrangement. What was called for was either the simple gang bang, the somewhat earthier clusterfuck, or even the sturdy, tried-and-true orgy. Our copy desk is particularly red-faced on this one.
It would be very unombudsmanlike of me not to point out a conflict of interest on the part of one letter writer in our June 2004 issue. In Jeff K.'s letter, "My Nutty Buddy," the writer tells of a sweet--not to mention sticky!--encounter with a young woman covered in peanut butter and Marshmallow Fluff behind a tent at the Westchester County Fair. Well, while the letter was interesting (his repeated use of the phrase "fluffernutter sandwich," in particular, sticks to the roof of my mouth), it has been brought to our attention that Jeff is the Northeast regional sales manager of Chunky Nut Sac, an organic-peanut-butter company he mentioned several times by name. For the record, our editorial policies strictly forbid product placement in letters; we prefer a different kind of placement of a very special product, if you get my meaning. (I mean it sexually!)
Occasionally, my ombudsmaning actually takes me into the field to research claims of factual inaccuracies. You should see some of my expense reports. I had to fly the Delta shuttle between New York and Washington, D.C., twenty times before I finally encountered the stewardess "with the great ass and velvet tongue" ("Seats--and Passenger--in the Upright Position," November 2003). And, yes, it was worth it!
» First, a correction: A letter from Kevin L. of Durango, Colorado, alerted us to a factual error in a letter from our May 2004 issue. In "Riding the Rangers," the writer, Marty G., recounted his erotic adventure with two bosomy park rangers during an astronomy expedition at Cuyahoga Valley National Park in Ohio. Upon further research, we have determined that the writer could not have observed the constellation Delphinus under the weather conditions and at the location described. (We are, however, happy to report that it is possible to make love to one woman doggie style while another woman stands on her back so you can perform oral sex on her, as the letter indicated.) Penthouse Forum regrets the error.
Every now and then, in an effort to be literary, we forget the merits of plain journalistic prose. Bill S. of West Forty-third Street, New York, writes in with a usage correction, citing an unfortunate mistake from our pages. "Your August article 'Take My Wife, Please,'" he points out, "suggests an anatomically impossible construction of the term 'daisy chain.' As any schoolboy knows, and as Webster's Third Dictionary, Unabridged, makes clear, that designation is strictly reserved for 'a group sexual activity in which each person attends to the one in front while being attended to by the one behind.' " Clearly, the acts, particular items of patio furniture, and unusual physical attributes of the participants described in the article (to say nothing of the midget pool boy) would preclude such an arrangement. What was called for was either the simple gang bang, the somewhat earthier clusterfuck, or even the sturdy, tried-and-true orgy. Our copy desk is particularly red-faced on this one.
It would be very unombudsmanlike of me not to point out a conflict of interest on the part of one letter writer in our June 2004 issue. In Jeff K.'s letter, "My Nutty Buddy," the writer tells of a sweet--not to mention sticky!--encounter with a young woman covered in peanut butter and Marshmallow Fluff behind a tent at the Westchester County Fair. Well, while the letter was interesting (his repeated use of the phrase "fluffernutter sandwich," in particular, sticks to the roof of my mouth), it has been brought to our attention that Jeff is the Northeast regional sales manager of Chunky Nut Sac, an organic-peanut-butter company he mentioned several times by name. For the record, our editorial policies strictly forbid product placement in letters; we prefer a different kind of placement of a very special product, if you get my meaning. (I mean it sexually!)
Occasionally, my ombudsmaning actually takes me into the field to research claims of factual inaccuracies. You should see some of my expense reports. I had to fly the Delta shuttle between New York and Washington, D.C., twenty times before I finally encountered the stewardess "with the great ass and velvet tongue" ("Seats--and Passenger--in the Upright Position," November 2003). And, yes, it was worth it!
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